Tango on the Cliff

The Post Mortem - Part III

[Prologue: My host/usher was horrified and dejected at the utter chaos that characterized the so-called ‘free, frank and brutal analysis of the defeat’. The once-proud Republican Party, also called the Grand Old Party (GOP), the party that gave America some of the finest and most accomplished Presidents (such as Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Dwight Eisenhower, even Ronald Reagan) was reduced to a conglomeration of vicious, warring, partisan cabals of parochial and extremist interests. Anyone who did not completely agree with any group’s narrow, extremist definition of a ‘real conservative’, was termed an enemy of America, or worse still, an enemy of the GOP. Any kind of reasoned analysis, a give-and-take of ideas and interests seemed completely out of reach for this group of ultra-partisan, puerile ideologues. They couldn’t reach a point of compromise even within themselves, far less be it for them to reach a compromise with Democrats. As a new American, I was also quite saddened to watch one of the most important pillars of a functioning democracy, namely a responsible and vibrant opposition party to check and balance the power of the ruling party, go into a state of certain decay and decline. I had seen the horrific consequences of a lack of a viable opposition party in India. I thought that I could share a perspective that might drive some sense into these juvenile delinquents…]

My host saw the pity in my eyes. There were no words spoken but he knew that I had something to say. He thought that whatever I had to say, couldn’t be worse than the spectacle unfolding before him. He silently drew another gun from his pocket, this was a real gun. He fired three rounds in the air and the loud booms had a deafening effect on the warring conservatives. There was a sudden silence and my host handed the microphone to me. And I, an obscure Indian American blogger of American political matters, addressed the august assembly of conservative bigwigs:

Friends, Americans, Conservatives, lend me your ears

For I come to praise the Conservatism, not to bury it.

You have gathered here to delve into the cosmic mystery of why Barack Obama won the reelection while the venture capital firm of Romney, Romney and Romney LLC lost it in spite of spending a billion dollars, most of which came from this very august gathering of conservatives. You have passed through the 5 stages of grief. ‘Denial’, where Karl Rove, the boy genius of the past decade, made a spectacle of himself by refusing to accept the call of his own ‘fair and balanced’ network. ‘Anger’, where a deranged Trump exhorted fellow Americans to reject this ‘travesty of democracy’. ‘Bargaining’, where solace was sought that Obama won by a much smaller margin, and phrases like, ‘if only a few more thousand conservatives had voted, we would have romped home’. Then depression and acceptance, where a thousand elegies have been written; of an America that is no more, poignant epitaphs of an ideology that alone took America to its greatness but has become passe in today’s contraceptive-crazed America. But now you are at the most important, 6th stage of grief, namely ‘blame’. The original researchers of the idea of the 5 stages of grief did not even think of this stage of because they were obviously not politicians. 

A thousand recriminations have been proffered, blaming the loss on everyone and everything, ranging from the various Romney’s that graced your nomination, through Chris Christie, through the Hispanics, the women, the anti-Christians, the pseudo-Christians, the gays, the illegal immigrants, the immigrants, the millenials, the freeloaders, the 47%, the ‘takers’ and all the way to the Electoral College, that very venerable institution that was considered a beacon of real American democracy in the 2000 election when Gore won the popular vote while ‘He who shall not be named’ won the electoral college. But through all this wailing, gnashing of teeth and hand-wringing, one constant theme has emerged. Every conservative pundit, huckster, political hustler and his uncle has been steadfast in upholding the maxim that the great ideology of ‘conservatism’ is hale and hearty and needs no change. Which means that if only more people agree and accept the so-called ‘conservatism’ than those who accept/agree with the other side, the Republicans will win the election.

Since most, if not all, of the people in this august gathering get their news from the ‘fair and balanced’ network, it is my duty to show you how the rest of the ‘unfair and unbalanced’ America saw the conservatism – the ideology that needs no change:

The rest of the America saw conservatism as a belief system that boos a serving gay soldier for being gay and still wishing to serve this country in the battlefield. Rick, ‘the Old Testament’ Santorum then proceeded to excoriate the gay soldier for being gay and being a soldier and received a hearty applause from the ‘conservative’ base. As if that was not enough to showcase the ‘conservatism’, the Faux News anchorette defended the booing in some convoluted way. Ron, ‘the Libertarian’ Paul, gave his ‘Marie Antoinette’ policy as a counter to Obamacare where the society can let the uninsured peopledie if they haven’t bought a health insurance. That really showcased the compassionate side of the conservatism. Rush Limbaugh provided an example of the gentlemanly side of conservatism when he called Ms. Fluke a ‘slut’ for demanding to include the cost of contraception as part of health insurance. ‘El Rushbo’ was not satisfied with that show of a refined, gentlemanly conservative, so he demanded that Ms. Fluke should satisfy his prurient urges by letting him watch her put the contraceptives to use. The firebrand Ms. Conservative Coulter called Obamaa retard and proceeded to insult the mentally handicapped people. Richard Mourdock then declared that rape was God’s will, then clarified that rape was not God’s will but the conception as result of a rape is God’s will. Before that Todd Akin redefined medical science by claiming that legitimate women had a legitimate mechanism to shut down the reproductive system of their bodies in case they were being subjected to a legitimate rape. And he didn’t even apologize for this comment. 

My dear conservatives, I don’t know which conservatism you prescribed to America, but the non-Faux America, the rest of the ‘unfair and unbalanced’ America saw a conservatism defined by these and similar exchanges. In the 2012 election, the GOP offered the George W Bush economic policy, the Dick Cheney foreign policy, the Rick Santorum-Richard Mourdock social policy, the Joe Arpaio-Jan Brewer immigration policy, the Marie Antoinette healthcare policy, Donald Trump tax policy and Limbaugh-Coulter bipartisanship policy. And now you wonder why the majority in America did not see it as a prescription for liberty, justice and pursuit of happiness? 

Ever since Nov 5, 2008, the day after Obama’s first Presidential victory, the only agenda offered by GOP and its congressional caucus was simply to defeat Obama in 2012. The conservatives' sole objective for the past 4 years was not about creating jobs, improving the economy, reducing the debt, increasing the American standard of living, or anything else to address the horrendous condition that your last conservative president created. Instead your whole platform was to make Obama a "one term" president. And you, the conservatives, went around believing you had this in the bag - because you couldn’t fathom how ALL of America didn’t hate Obama as much as you did. 

And then on Nov 7^th of this year, the scales fell off your collective eyes. But not all the scales. Some are still obstinately clutching to your collective eyes. You have blamed everyone and everything for this loss, but you have left the most important cause of the defeat as a sacrosanct, immutable truth that is the Raison d'être of your existence. In today’s Tea Party-infested environment, the conservatism has become a hiss and a byword for the rest of the ‘unfair and unbalanced’ America. That talibanistic conservatism is what needs to be buried if you wish to become relevant in the American politics again. 

I began this monologue with a promise that I come here to praise conservatism, not to bury it. And I will stand by my word. Conservatism, as prescribed by the thoughtful conservatives, is a great philosophy. At its core it states that the Government is something that needs to be curtailed in terms of its power. A Government’s power to tax, to subject its own citizens to Orwellian surveillance and draconian laws that interfere with individual liberty must be curtailed by a participative democracy. And it states that the tax is a necessary evil that needs to be minimized because a Government will always find uses for more tax revenue, and most of the times it goes into bloating an inefficient bureaucracy. It states that social changes need to be moderated in order to preserve and nurture the cultural and historical core of a society. But not a single policy of GOP in 2012 came within a mile of being called conservative. On the contrary most of it was ‘fundamentalist’ and antithetical to the principles of real conservatism. 

If you truly introspect and follow the path of real conservatism instead of a Christian Talibanism, it won’t be long before the rest of the ‘unfair and unbalanced’ America comes back to your point of view. Maybe you should think seriously whether the Faux News, the likes of Limbaugh, Hannity, Coulter, O’ Reilly, Beck, Rove and their Godfather Ailes have the interest of America and conservatism at their heart or they are simply looking after their own financial interests. I can bet on it that Faux News has an internal study that predicts a precipitous drop in their TRP’s if and when a conservative actually wins the Presidency. So it is in their financial interest to keep stoking the hatred that gives them their precious TRP’s while the rest of the sane America keeps handing a drubbing to the GOP candidates, election after election….

By this time the warring conservatives had recovered from the shock of the gun fired in the air by my host. They all, in unison, drew their water guns and squirted me with a ferocity I hadn’t seen before. All the factions of the great conservative gathering joined hands and screamed in unison “throw out his dumb liberal. He is an enemy of America”.

I should have brought my great big liberal raincoat.