Fiscal-viscal, Cliff-viff

The other day somebody asked me to explain the so-called “fiscal cliff” in a language that is easy to understand and doesn’t contain phrases like “budget deficit as a percentage of GDP” and “revenue generation offset by entitlements reforms (whatever that means)”. My dear readers, this fiscal-viscal, cliff-viff is nothing but a ‘nautanki’ (drama). The best way to understand it is to again watch the greatest Hindi movie ever made – “Sholey”. Let me explain.

Do you remember the scene in Sholey where Veeru (Dharmendra) climbs atop a tall tower housing a water tank, in a state of inebriation? For those who may have forgotten the immortal scene (such people do exist, inexplicably) of Veeru’s ‘suicide’ attempt, let me refresh their memory. Veeru is a roughneck with no prospects but he is in love with Basanti (Hema Malini), the beautiful rustic belle of Ramgarh, a village in Northern India. Veeru asks his friend Jai (Amitabh Bachchan) to go to Basanti’s Mausi (aunt) and plead his case, asking Basanti’s hand in marriage. Jai has no interest in this but due to Veeru’s coaxing and cajoling, agrees to plead his case with Mausi. Mausi, after hearing that Veeru is a roughneck with no prospects, no income and no family, promptly rejects Veeru’s proposal. 

Now, imagine Veeru (Dharmendra) to be Obama, Jai (Amitabh Bachchan) to be John Boehner and the villagers of Ramgarh to be the citizens of America. Mausi (Leela Mishra) is the Republican caucus in the House of Representatives. 

Veeru: Wants to marry Basanti

Obama: Wants to raise taxes on the rich people

Mausi: Doesn’t want to consent to Basanti’s marriage with Veeru unless Veeru shows that he is a responsible, earning member of society.

Repub Caucus: Doesn’t want to raise taxes on rich people unless there is an equal reduction in the Government expenditure.

When Mausi rejects Jai’s proposal on behalf of Veeru, Veeru gets drunk and climbs atop a tall water tower and threatens to commit suicide. 

When the Republican caucus rejects Obama’s proposal to raise taxes on the rich, Obama threatens to jump off the “fiscal-cliff” and commit financial suicide. 

The whole village is agog and a bit scared as Veeru, in a state of advanced inebriation, dangles precariously from the top of the tower, still threatening suicide. 

The whole of America is agog and a bit scared as Obama, in a state of mild intoxication borne of his recent electoral victory, threatens to go over the fiscal cliff where everybody’s taxes are slated to go up.

Some villagers hurriedly bring Mausi to watch the scene where Veeru is dangling over the railing and threatening suicide. Mausi is scared too but still stands her ground and questions how she could let her niece marry a no-good roughneck. But Veeru is unimpressed and makes dire prognostications that if he commits suicide, the whole village will have to face the wrath of God and there may be famine or earthquake or firestorm. 

Some Americans scream and yell at the Congress that if they can’t make a deal to avoid the fiscal cliff, there will be double-dip recession and the unemployment will go through the roof and dollar will fall again and everybody will be in a mess. The Republicans are unimpressed, how can they agree to a tax increase and risk the wrath of their God (Norquist) without asking for an equal reduction in expenditures?

Finally some villagers succeed in scaring Mausi enough, especially when they tell her about the possible consequences of Veeru’s suicide. There will be cops and Mausi may have to go to court and hire lawyers and whatnot. This scares Mausi enough and she reluctantly agrees to let Veeru marry Basanti.

Finally the shrill curses from Americans are able to convince the Republicans that if they let Obama fall into the fiscal cliff, the voters will hold them responsible and God help those who are on the wrong side of American voters. This finally convinces the Republicans to abandon their God (Norquist) and let Obama increase the taxes on the rich without an accompanying reduction in the expenditures.

When Mausi withdraws her objection to Veeru’s troth to Basanti, Veeru immediately sobers up and happily cancels the plan of suicide. All the while, Jai is watching this drama from a distance with a practiced cynicism and comments, “Ssaala, ghadi ghadi drama karta hai!” (the bugger is always making a scene !).

When the House finally approved the fiscal cliff deal on the new year, John Boehner heaved a sigh of relief but still made parting shots at the President for this cavalier attitude towards the debt and entitlements. 

Speaking of parallels with Hindi movies, there is an old Hindi movie, a well-known one to film aficionados, “Shree 420”, where there is an endearing scene between Raj Kapoor, playing an impoverished vagabond and Lalita Pawar (playing the role of Ganga Mai, a rustic hag selling bananas). Raj asks the price of bananas and Ganga Mai answers; 4 bananas for 2 annas (for the uninitiated, ‘anna’ is an old Indian coin, equal to 6 paise – the movie was made in 1955 so the prices sound like they were during the reign of Lord Ram when he ruled Ayodhya). Raj, the practical joker, starts haggling. “That is too expensive Mai, how about 2 bananas for 4 annas?” Mai, the veteran street vendor, instinctively refuses the counteroffer and curses Raj for trying to bankrupt a poor banana-seller. So Raj starts walking away. And then Mai realizes that Raj was actually offering much better price than she had offered initially. She does a double take and calls him back to conclude the deal.

The House Teapublicans are feeling much like the poor Ganga Mai these days. Their own leader, ‘Raj’ Boehner came to them with a much better offer, purely as a negotiating tactic (just like Raj Kapoor of “Shree 420”, John Boehner had no real intention of buying the fiscal Banana (Republic)). And in a fit of instinctive teapublicanism, they rejected the deal, undercutting John Boehner’s position at the grand poker table. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. The outcome was quite predictable. The Senate passed a fiscal deal that left the erstwhile kicking, screaming, tantrum-throwing kids gasping for breath. They continued their tantrums in the House but were unable to stop the bipartisan fiscal deal. This was a GOP proposal that was opposed by a majority of GOP Reps and had to rely on Democrats to pass the bill. That is like your own team scoring baskets against you. 

I am telling you, this fiscal-viscal, cliff-viff is just a ‘nautanki’. The same players will be on the stage once again, two months from now, enacting the same script. It is us, the spectators that are paying through the nose to watch this sordid drama every few months.