On the night of Sept 11, 2012 the American consulate in
Bengazi, Libya was attacked by a horde of armed assailants. A second attack in
the early morning the next day resulted into the death of 4 Americans,
including the American Ambassador Chris Stevens. There was a predictable
reaction in America with Republicans demanding the head of whoever was
responsible. The Senate and the House called hearings and Madam Secretary Ms.
Hillary Clinton testified before the Senate and the House. She was grilled
thoroughly and there is talk that this incident may become a huge if not fatal
impediment to Ms. Clinton’s Presidential ambitions, which, incidentally, she
has neither confirmed nor denied (the ambitions, I mean).
Prior to the dreaded Senate hearing, Ms. Clinton invited me,
an obscure Indian American blogger of American political matters, for an
informal chat. American politicians do this all the time. They often call on me
to discuss various political issues because I am so insignificant that they can
say pretty much anything to me without having to worry about the consequences.
They, in turn, get an invaluable insight into an Indian-centric view of the
American politics. After all, there must be something that the greatest
democracy on earth can learn from the biggest democracy on earth. I met Ms.
Clinton in an undisclosed secure location. After exchanging pleasantries we
began the conversation.
HC: You have lived in India for 30 years and now you have
been here for the past decade or so. You understand Indian politics and you
have some faint idea about American politics (faint idea is right. I am just
learning the basics of the greatest democracy on earth). I want to ask you some
questions. I want to know how your Indian politicians manage to do what they
do.
Me: Madam Secretary, it is a great honor for me and all
that, but surely you can just pick up the phone and call on any Indian
politician and he/she will be more than happy to answer any of your questions.
In fact, most of them will be giddy that you called, the way American teenage
girls might be giddy if Justin Bieber calls them. What could you possibly learn
from me about Indian politicians that the Indian politicians themselves
wouldn’t teach you while falling over themselves in earnest delight?
HC: You really have a very faint idea about American politics, haven’t you? If American media
comes to know that I called some Indian politician to take political lessons, I
will be crucified at the altar of American exceptionalism and American
greatness. We are a country that doesn’t learn from anybody or anything. Heck,
we don’t even learn from ourselves. Anyway, suffice it to say that it is not
practical for me to do that. So, without wasting any more time in idle banter,
tell me the secret of Indian politicians.
Me: ?
HC: (exasperated, and speaking like a teacher would speak to
a particularly slow-witted child) A few days ago Pakistani troops killed two
Indian soldiers and beheaded one of them. Then they took the head of the slain
Indian soldier as a trophy where Hafeez Saeed, the head of a Pakistani
terrorist organization that doesn’t exist, declared a prize for the severed
head. And Indian Minister of External Affairs, Mr. Salman Khurshid didn’t even
bat an eyelid. Indian Prime Minister Mr. Manmohan Singh mumbled something like
‘It can’t be business as usual with Pakistan’ and promptly ignored the whole
incident. Indian Home Minister Mr. Sushilkumar Shinde went one beyond and
blamed the Hindus for terror. And still there is no outcry against this in
India. Indian media people are rallying to defend these completely idiotic and
horrendous comments. Imagine what would happen if I declare that the
Evangelical Christians and the Republican Party is responsible for the
terrorist attacks against America. I will be lynched in public and Democrats
will cease to exist as a party for the next hundred years. So what is the
secret? What secret magic wand do Indian politicians possess that makes the
majority of Indians meekly accept such anti-national behavior from them?
Me:
HC: Compare this to the wholly jingoistic brouhaha in the
American media. Poor Susan Rice did not describe the Bengazi incident as a
terrorist attack and she was hounded out of her future job. When a legitimate
peace-mongering Chuck Hagel, a former war hero, was considered for the job of
Defense Secretary, his own party revolted against him for being a peacenik. And
in India, the media is training its guns against the General of your army who simply
threatened to respond in kind. Why can’t our American media be like Indian
media?
Me:
HC: Pakistan has attacked India several times. Pakistani
terrorists have launched innumerable terror attacks in India. Just a few years
ago a bunch of Pakistani terrorists launched a war in Bombay and killed
hundreds of people. And as a response to this heinous attack, all that the
Indian Government is doing, is launching peace process after peace process with
the same people who keep killing Indians. And Indian opposition party is busy
fighting within themselves instead of fighting the ruling coalition or standing
up for the common Indians. Why can’t the American opposition party behave like
the Indian opposition?
Me:
HC: In 1979 Iran held the American Embassy hostage and kept
them hostage for a year. Ever since then we, America, have terminated all
official and diplomatic relations with Iran. Our president of that time, Jimmy
Carter, lost his reelection massively and the Republicans ruled America on the
slogan of the pusillanimity of Democrats for 12 years. We goaded our lackey
Saddam Hussein to launch an 8 year war against Iran. We have laws that will levy
heavy fines on any American company that does business with Iran. Compare that
with India. Half the people in Bollywood are falling over themselves to declare
how they are best friends with Pakistan. India recently renewed its cricketing
ties with Pakistan. That is like American Baseball team playing against Al Qaida
in a friendly match. Hell, we don’t even play Cuba even though Cuba is
insignificant and has never killed any Americans. Can you imagine such a thing
ever happening in America?
Me:
HC: And look at me! I have been the First Lady of America
for 8 years. I have been a Senator for several years. I topped my class in a
very prestigious university. But that wasn’t enough for the people of America
to anoint me as the Democratic nominee 5 years ago. And look at India. An
imbecile gets anointed the future king of India’s ruling party just because of
his last name. Why can’t I get anointed the Democratic nominee just because I
share the last name of the most popular President in American history?
Me:
HC: I really wish to know how the Indian politicians keep
winning the elections despite this behavior. I want to know how Indian media
continues to smoke the peace pipe while Pakistan continues its bestial,
barbaric behavior. Why can’t the American politicians and media behave like
Indian politicians and media?
Me: Madam Secretary, I have only two points to make. First
is, beware what you wish for, lest it come true. And the second is, the
real question is, why don’t the Indian politicians and media behave like
American politicians and media, rather than the other way around. And
unfortunately I don’t have answer to that.
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